If World War One Was A Bar Fight

If World War One was a bar Fight

• Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint.
• Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg.
• Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.
• Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.
• Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers.
• Russia and Serbia look at Austria.
• Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.
• Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.
• Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.
• Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene. Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?
• Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.
• Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at Belgium.
• Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.
• Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.
• France and Britain punch Germany.
• Austria punches Russia.
• Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.
• Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over.
• Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s on Britain’s side, but stays there.
• Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.
• Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back.
• There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.
• France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.
• Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway.
• Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.
• America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.
• By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany’s fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

If World War Two was a bar fight

• After the last bar fight, America decides that he needs to be the bartender and the bouncer and moves behind the bar.
• Germany comes to and sees everyone drinking with his money and sees Austria sitting in the corner by himself.
• Germany, angry that Britain, France, and America took his wallet grabs Austria and makes him stand next to him.
• Germany then does the same to Czechoslovakia.
• On the other side of the room, Japan punches China. After a while, America tells them to knock it off.
• Germany signs a bar napkin telling Britain that he is done moving people over to his side of the room.
• Germany sucker punches Poland, claiming that Poland started it.
• Russia says he will help and ends up punching Poland from the other side.
• France and Britain begin swinging at Germany. Germany pushes Britain through the door and knocks him into the pool. France is also shoved through the door, but comes back in wearing a new beret and decides to hang out with Germany.
• For no apparent reason, Russia slaps Finland.
• Italy gets into a fight over the toys in the sandbox out back, gets a bloody nose and cries to Germany for help.
• Germany and Britain get into a tug of war over Italy’s sandbox.
• Britain and Germany begin throwing rocks at each others’ houses.
• Because Russia helped him with beating up Poland, Germany sucker punches Russia.
• While everybody is looking at Germany and Britain, Japan puts China into a headlock and begins punching his head.
• America tells Japan to knock it off and tells him he’s had too much to drink and he’s cut off.
• Japan jumps over the bar and punches America. And Britain. And France. And the Netherlands.
• Germany shakes his fist at America and makes a rude noise.
• America jumps into Germany’s sandbox and falls flat on his ass. Italy laughs at him.
• Because America is mad at Germany, America punches Italy.
• America, Canada, and Britain rip off France’s new beret and punch Germany.
• America, Britain and Australia gang up and start shoving Japan back into a corner on the other side of the room.
• Germany taps America on the shoulder and says, “What’s that over there in the snow?” Then he kicks America in the behind when he’s not looking.
• Everyone piles on Germany until he passes out.
• America hits Japan in the face with a baseball bat like Capone did in “The Untouchables”. Twice.
• As Japan is on his way to the floor, Russia shakes his fist at Japan, pretending that he’s joined the fight and hoping that he’ll be able to go through Japan’s wallet after the fight’s over.
• After Japan and Germany wake up, America, France, Britain, and Russia move into Germany’s House. America moves into Japan’s house, too.
• America buys drinks for Germany and Japan until everyone is happy again.

Inside The Army’s Spectacular Hidden Treasure Room

Remember that ending scene out of Indiana Jones where the Ark of the Covenant is boxed up and wheeled through an endless government warehouse?

2. Did you know that that place actually exists?

It is called the Center of Military History.

3. It is located 30 minutes outside Washington, D.C., at Fort Belvoir in Virginia. The building itself is very nondescript…

4. …but behind a series of highly alarmed doors…

5. …and long, cement, camera-laden hallways…

6. …is the highly sophisticated, climate-controlled treasure room where the Army keeps its most precious artifacts.

The facility was built for $24 million in 2010.

7. The cavernous warehouse is typically shrouded in total darkness. Motion lights illuminate only the areas in which someone is walking.

8. Behind these giant doors lie the Army’s historic collection of weaponry.

9. The room consists of dozens of collapsable “hallways” filled with the richest American firearm collection on the planet.

10. The collection is stacked with priceless items.

One-of-a-kind boat gun that pre-dates the Revolutionary War.

11. The entire collection can be moved at the press of a button…

12. …to create new endless hallways of historic firearms.

Entire lineages of weapons are kept here for research as well as preservation purposes.

13. Another portion of the warehouse consists of endless rows of gigantic airtight lockers. This is called “3D storage.”

Every meaningful artifact that has been worn on a military battlefield is stored here. Including Gen. Ulysses Grant’s Civil War cap.

14. Famous generals’ uniforms and Revolutionary War powder satchels…

15. …flags, canteens, and cannons.

16. And the rows go on and on and on and on…

17. But the crown jewel of the collection is the 16,000 pieces of fine art the Army owns.

18. The art is kept on giant rolling metal frames.

20. The massive collection consists of donated and commissioned pieces. Much of the art was painted by soldiers who experienced their subjects in real life.

During World War I, the Army began commissioning artists to deploy into the war zone and paint the scenes they observed. This practice has continued to this day. Much of the museum’s collection consists of these commissioned wartime pieces. The collection also keeps hold of valuable donated military art and historical pieces dating back to the Mexican American War.

21. The art tells the story of America’s wars through a soldier’s unique perspective.

23. Some works are just beautiful beyond words.

“Softball Game in Hyde Park” by Floyd Davis.

25. Every aspect of war is captured in the collection.

“That 2,000-Yard Stare” by Tom Lea.

31. The collection also includes original Army propaganda art.

32. Including beautiful Norman Rockwell originals that the Army commissioned in the 1940s.

Original Rockwells like these regularly fetch tens of millions of dollars at auction.

34. Virtually every American conflict is represented from a first-hand soldier’s perspective.

Vietnam.

Desert Storm.

Humanitarian aid missions to the conflicts of the 1980s.

Peace and war.

The “war on terror.”

39. The soldier’s perspective…

40. The collection also has a controversial side that has never been displayed.

Unique art and artifacts that were seized from the Nazis after World War II are stored here. The painting above was filmed at the center for the 2006 documentary The Rape of Europa.

41. Including watercolors painted by Hitler himself.

At the age of 18, Adolf Hitler applied to the Academy of Fine Arts in Vienna but was rejected. A number of Hitler’s paintings were seized by the U.S. Army at the end of World War II and found a home at the center. None of the confiscated Nazi art has ever been displayed, and the curators thought them too controversial for this piece. The scene above was filmed at the center for the documentary The Rape of Europa.

42. Not a single piece in this massive collection is open to the public. Why is it kept under lock and key in a blackened warehouse?

43. Simple answer: Because there is no museum to house it.

The entire collection could be made accessible to the public, if the funds for a museum could be raised.

44. The Army Historical Foundation is in charge of raising the funds for the museum.

However, there are major fundraising hurdles to jump before the museum can be built. The foundation’s president recently told the Washington Post that it has raised $76 million of the $175 million required for the museum and predicts the museum could open in 2018. The plan is to build the museum at Fort Belvoir.

45. But until then…

Little Fire Ants On Maui!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIUre6lz2GI&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PLEFAA582EDE11F8A0

VERY IMPORTANT!

The Dept. of Agriculture has confirmed that Little Fire Ants have been found on Maui, imported on hapu`u tree ferns from the Big Island.   Lowe’s and Home Depot nurseries have not yet found all the ferns that they sold.  Timing is essential!

Little fire ants have the potential to destroy our very way of life on Maui and severely damage our economy.  They have already impacted the Big Island in a terrible way.  We need to do everything we can to try & contain this threat.  The damage they could do to our lands, homes, agricultural endeavors, pets, recreation, and the tourism industry are incredibly serious.

Please watch this documentary and pass it on to everyone you know